“Mommy, where’s Daddy?” Hannah asked as she swallowed a huge gulp of water.

“I don’t know, baby,” I replied as I straightened out Hannah’s soccer shirt. “I’m sure he’s on his way.”

“I hope so,” Hannah said with a soft sigh.

“Are you warm enough, baby?” I asked as I smoothed down her messy wavy brown hair.

“Yeah,” she nodded as her coach blew his whistle signaling it was time to begin the game. “I gotta go, mommy.”

“Okay,” I smiled. “Good luck.”

Hannah ran over to her soccer teammates. I sighed softly to myself as I checked my watch. ‘Where in the world is Taylor?’ I wondered. He knew it was Hannah’s first soccer game, and he promised her he would be there, so I had no idea why he wasn’t.

“Don’t worry, Ede,” Tracie said reassuringly, seemingly reading my mind, as she elbowed me in the side. “I’m sure Taylor’s on his way.”

“I hope so,” I mumbled as Hannah had. I looked across the field where Diana and Walker were sitting. Luckily, Walker was recording the game on his camcorder. By the middle of the game, I could tell Hannah was discouraged by her father’s absence, but she kept on playing her hardest.

Finally, I was getting really fed up with Taylor. At least if he wasn’t going to make it, he could call and let me know! So, I took out my cell phone and dialed Taylor’s cell phone number.

It rang a few times before he finally picked up. “Hello?” Taylor said, sounding irritated.

“Where the hell are you?” I asked Taylor as I watched Hannah on the field.

“I’m stuck in traffic,” Taylor replied. “There was a really bad accident.”

“Well, maybe if you would have left when you were supposed to, then you wouldn’t have run into that problem,” I commented as Hannah got the soccer ball and began to kicking it down the field toward the net. “GO HANNAH!” I yelled as she kicked the ball into the net. “Good job, baby!”

“What’s going on?” Taylor asked as I turned my attention back to the phone. “I think you just busted my eardrum!”

“Well, for your information, our daughter just made her first goal,” I replied.

“Are you serious?” Taylor asked. “I can’t believe I missed it.”

“Well, neither can I,” I replied. “I’ve gotta go. My battery’s almost dead.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” Taylor said. “I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too,” I sighed before I hung up the phone.

“Where is he?” Tracie asked.

“Stuck in traffic,” I replied. “I could just strangle him! He promised Hannah he would be here.”

“Don’t worry about it, Eden. I’m sure Hannah will be fine,” Tracie said.

“I know. It’s just that I hate it that he made a promise to her, and he broke it,” I said, shaking my head.

Taylor was a great father. There was no doubt about that, but sometimes he just really pissed me off –especially when he’d make promises he apparently couldn’t keep. Hannah was only five, and I knew she would forgive her father, but it broke my heart every time I had to explain to her why Daddy wasn’t there.

I knew Taylor hadn’t purposely missed Hannah’s game, but sometimes I just couldn’t stand how he would get so wrapped up in whatever he was doing and wind up being late. If I were the one constantly missing stuff, there would be hell to pay! I had no doubt about that, but because I didn’t have a job, I always had to be the one to take care of everything.

I guess I was getting a case of the anti-housewife syndrome. Some days I just wanted to scream from being stuck in the house all day. I loved taking care of the kids, but sometimes I just wanted to go out for a few hours by myself and think. That seldom ever happened. Since I made the decision to get married and have kids I was now responsible for taking care of them, and I loved it most of the time.

After Hannah’s game, I went by Angelina and Heaven’s house to pick up Zeke and Saffie. That was also another great thing about having my sisters nearby –I could always call in a favor!

“Why didn’t Daddy come to my game?” Hannah asked on the way home.

“He got stuck in traffic, baby,” I replied. “He tried to make it, but there were a bunch of cars in his way.”

“Oh,” Hannah pouted.

Once we got home, Hannah went up to her room. I could tell she was tired from her game. Zeke decided he was going to watch cartoons, and Saffie entertained herself in her walker while I went into the kitchen to wash the dishes from breakfast.

I didn’t know where Taylor was. In my opinion, he should have had his ass at home waiting for us to get back home because he owed Hannah an apology. I sighed softly as I washed the dishes and stared out the back window. Some days I couldn’t believe this was really my life. I was only 24-years-old and married with three kids. It was crazy!

After I was finished doing the dishes, I dried my hands and went into the living room. Saffie was in her walker, but she was almost asleep. I laughed softly to myself as I picked her up. She started to cry a little, but I quickly quieted her and took her upstairs to her crib.

I checked on Hannah as I went back downstairs and found that she was fast asleep. Then I went back downstairs. I knew Zeke was probably up to no good because he had been very quiet for a while, which usually meant he was doing something he knew he wasn’t supposed to, but when I got downstairs, I discovered Zeke was sound asleep on the couch.

‘What in the world is going on?’ I wondered. It was very rare that I could get all of the kids to lie down for a nap at the same time. God must have been on my side that afternoon, so I left Zeke on the couch, and I stretched out on the recliner to take a nap. I was still upset with Taylor, but I was too tired to even worry about what I was going to say to him when he got home.

I woke up a few hours later feeling a little cramped on the recliner. I looked around in confusion for a moment and moved my head from side to side. I had a neck cramp as a result of sleeping on the recliner in an odd position. Then I noticed Zeke was no longer on the couch.

‘Oh no!’ I thought. Knowing Zeke, he was probably running around the house making a huge mess. That little boy was very mischievous. I stood up with a sigh and went to look from my son.

I looked all over the house, but I didn’t see or hear Zeke. I went upstairs and checked on the girls. Hannah was still fast asleep, and Saffie was lying quietly in her crib playing with her feet.

“Hey, sweetie,” I smiled as I picked her up. Surprisingly, she wasn’t due for a diaper change yet, so I took her and headed back downstairs to find Ezekiel. At first I thought Zeke was just hiding somewhere, but after looking everywhere, I was beginning to get worried.

“Well, where in the world could your big brother be?” I asked, looking at Saffie. Finally, I decided to look outside. Generally, Zeke knew better than to go outside on his own, but sometimes he just wouldn’t listen. I walked out onto the back patio, and I noticed Taylor’s car was in the drive. I figured Taylor must have been out in the studio, so I went into the studio to see if he knew where our son was.

I walked inside still carrying Saffie, who was beginning to drift off to sleep once again, and I found Taylor seated behind the control panel messing around with some music, and I spotted Zeke playing in the corner of the room with some of his toys.

“How long have you been home?” I asked, causing Taylor to jump.

“Oh my God, Eden, you scared me,” Taylor laughed. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“I’ve been home for a couple of hours,” Taylor replied. “Did you have a nice nap?”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” I replied.

“So, where’s Hannah?” Taylor asked.

“She’s still asleep,” I replied.

“Oh, she must have been worn out from her game,” Taylor commented. “How’d she do?”

“Her team won,” I replied. “Of course, you would have known that if you would have bothered to show, but I guess it just wasn’t important enough.”

“Eden, I told you I got caught in traffic,” Taylor said, sighing.

“Well, then why didn’t you come straight home so that you’d be here when we got home?” I asked. “Hannah was really upset you didn’t make it.”

“I know,” Taylor nodded. “I’ll go talk to her as soon as she wakes up.”

“Yeah, you better,” I sighed. “I’m going in to start dinner. Are you going to keep an eye on Zeke?”

“Yeah,” Taylor nodded. “I can keep Saffie, too, if you want.”

“That’s okay,” I said, noticing she was making a poopy face. “I think she’s going to need a diaper change in a few minutes.”

“Oh, well, I won’t deprive you of that wonderful task,” Taylor grinned.

“Gee, thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes as I started back into the house.

After I changed Saffie, I put her in her playpen and began to get to work on dinner. It was crazy how sometimes the house seemed so lonely even when we were all there. Taylor had been so consumed in his producing lately that he spent practically every minute he was home in the studio, and if he wasn’t there he was in a studio downtown. Some nights I wasn’t even sure if he ever came to bed.

As I was finishing up dinner, Hannah wondered downstairs. “Hey, Han,” I smiled. “Did you have a good nap?”

“Yeah,” Hannah nodded with a smile. “What are you doing, mommy?”

“I’m finishing dinner,” I replied. “You wanna help mommy out?”

“Sure,” Hannah smiled.

“Can you run out to the studio and tell Daddy and Zeke it’s almost time to eat?” I asked.

“Okay,” Hannah nodded with a smile before she ran out the back door and toward the studio.

A few minutes later, Hannah ran inside with Taylor following behind with Zeke in his arms.

“What’s for dinner?” Taylor asked.

“What does it look like?” I replied.

“Meatloaf?” Taylor said, looking at the pan on the table.

“Taylor, you’re a genius,” I sighed as I took Saffie out of her playpen and put her in her high chair.

“What is Saffie eating today?” Taylor asked.

“Um, carrots and apricots,” I replied, looking at the baby food on the table.

“Sounds yummy, doesn’t it, Saffie?” Taylor asked as he touched the tip of her nose, causing a smile to spread across her face.

Taylor sat down at the end of the table on the other side of me, and Hannah was seated directly across from me and Zeke was beside Hannah. I had already set out their plates of food, and they quietly began to eat.

I fed Saffie and once she was finished I began to eat my dinner even though I really wasn’t that hungry. I didn’t know what was wrong with me lately, but I just felt sad all of the time. I loved Taylor, and I loved our children, but for some reason, I just felt as if something in my life was missing.

Later that night after I tucked Zeke and Saffie into bed, I headed to Hannah’s room to say goodnight, but as I was getting ready to open the door, I heard Taylor talking to Hannah.

“Hannah Banana, I’m sorry I missed your game,” Taylor said.

“It’s okay, Daddy,” Hannah sighed.

“Are you still mad at me?” Taylor asked.

“No,” Hannah replied. I could tell she was smiling. “But you’ll come to my next game, right?”

“Of course,” Taylor replied.

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Taylor said.

I winced at his words. I hated it when he made promises. I never knew if he was actually going to keep them or not. I believed if you were going to make a promise, then you should keep it.

I sighed softly before I went to mine and Taylor’s bedroom. I changed into my pajamas. I could hear Taylor singing down the hallway – “My Girl” – Hannah’s favorite song. It still put her to sleep. I yawned as I climbed into bed and took the latest book I had been reading off of the nightstand and began to read.

A few minutes later, Taylor came into the bedroom. He pulled his shirt over his head and sat down on the bed with a yawn. “I talked to Hannah,” he commented.

“Yeah, I heard,” I replied still looking at the book in my hands.

“What were you doing? Eavesdropping?” Taylor asked with his back still to me.

“No, I was going to go say goodnight to Hannah, and I heard you two talking,” I explained. “Why did you promise her you’d be at her next game?”

“Because I will,” Taylor replied.

“Oh, really? Or will you get caught in traffic again?” I asked sarcastically.

“I’ll be there,” Taylor said as he turned and looked at me. “Why are you trying to start a fight before we go to bed?”

“I’m not trying to start a fight,” I replied. “I just don’t understand why you insist on making promises you can’t keep.”

“How do you know I can’t keep my promise?” Taylor asked.

“Well, you didn’t keep it today,” I pointed out.

“That was beyond my control, Eden,” Taylor replied. “Besides, Hannah forgave me.”

“Taylor, she’s five. She doesn’t know any better than to forgive you,” I said. “You’re her father. She doesn’t know she can stay upset with you.”

“Why are you so pissed off about it anyway?” Taylor asked.

“Because I’m the one who has to try to explain to her why Daddy can’t keep his promise even when I don’t understand it myself,” I replied.

“Eden, can we just drop this?” Taylor asked. “I’m tired, and I want to go to bed.”

“Fine,” I sighed as I closed my book and switched off the light on my nightstand and lay down and turned to my side. I heard Taylor moving around in the room changing for bed before he finally got into the bed and switched off the other light. He just laid there for a few minutes before he snuggled up to me and put his arm around my waist and began to kiss my neck.

“Not tonight,” I mumbled as I swatted him away.

“Come on, baby,” Taylor whispered as he continued kissing my neck. “Don’t stay mad at me.”

“Taylor, I’m too tired, okay?” I sighed.

“Whatever,” Taylor mumbled as he moved to the other side of the bed.

I just laid there for a while. Before long, tears were forming in my eyes. I hated arguing with Taylor, but that wasn’t why I didn’t want him to make love to me. Some nights I couldn’t even stand for him to touch me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt so messed up inside. I’d look in the mirror and couldn’t stand what I saw. My relationship with Taylor was dwindling, and I wasn’t sure why. This was the first argument we’d had in a while, so it wasn’t like we were constantly fighting.

Heck, half the time I was screaming in my mind for Taylor to pay some attention to me, but when he did, I turned him down. I must have been going crazy!