I followed Taylor's command and didn't go back to work after leaving the hospital. In my state of panic, it didn't even occur to me to inform Taylor that we'd never had the option of taking a paid personal day before. I wondered if this was going to be something that came with the new ownership of the store, or if it had just been a ploy on Taylor's part to get me to leave for the rest of the day.

I didn't suppose it mattered much either way. By the time I got home, it was a little after one. We'd been leaving work around four, so I was only missing a few hours of work anyway. Well, to be honest, I really wasn't missing it. My back hurt from all the lifting and moving of boxes and all of the other various things we'd been doing to get the store ready to be renovated.

I parked in the driveway when I got home. I was glad to see my dad wasn't there. I wasn't in the mood to put up with his lazy ass. It'd been a while since he worked, but I knew he'd need to find something again soon. He couldn't just keep drawing unemployment. He always worked someplace just long enough for him to qualify for unemployment, and then he'd start missing work or going in late. It never took too long for him to be fired. I was usually surprised when he managed to get a job in the first place. I didn't know he could stay sober long enough to do an interview.

I took Brenna out of her car seat carefully so as not to wake her. She'd fallen asleep during the drive like she often did whenever she rode in the car. I struggled to unlock the front door. It was hard to do much of anything with nearly twenty-five pounds of dead weight on one shoulder, breathing down my neck and tickling me with each breath she took. It was a little known fact that I was extremely ticklish, and it was good thing no one was around to witness the little dance I was doing trying to get the key in the lock and keep from laughing every time a puff of air escaped through Brenna's lips.

After I got the door unlocked, I pushed it open with my unoccupied shoulder and stepped inside and kicked it shut behind me before I dropped my purse and keys onto the table as I headed for the bedroom. I laid her down in her bed before collapsing on my own bed. I kicked off my dirty shoes and wiggled my toes. My feet were killing me. I needed new shoes. There was no cushion or arch support left in my old ones. The soles were beginning to peel away from the bottoms, but it wasn't any wonder. I'd worn them nearly every day for almost a year.

The only time I didn't wear them was in the summer when I could get by with wearing flip-flops everywhere I went. I wished it were always warm enough to wear them. I liked flip-flops because they were the closest I could get to being barefoot without actually going without shoes. I absolutely hated shoes. They were uncomfortable and cost entirely too much - at least to get a decent pair anyway.

I could remember the one pair of shoes I had that actually cost more than twenty bucks and didn't come from Wal-Mart. They were tan Sketches with their signature S on the side. I was thirteen, and my mom bought us all new shoes from Shoe Carnival that year. She'd budgeted and worked overtime at the diner down the road for months just to make sure she could get us new shoes and clothes before school started that year. The rest of the time we had to shop at Goodwill and other second hand stores. It wasn't really that bad, but it was nice to actually own something that hadn't been worn by someone else first.

Now that I was in charge of budgeting the money I understood why stuff like that didn't happen very often. It was hard to just pay the bills and make sure there was food on the table every night. Forget about buying new clothes. They just cost way too much. Sometimes I'd get lucky and go somewhere when they were having a massive sale, but stuff like that didn't happen often. I knew Layla hated it. What girl wouldn't? It was hard enough just trying to fit in when you had no money let alone trying to keep up with the latest fashion.

I laid there in bed, thinking about all of the things I could get done with the extra time on my hands, but I couldn't seem to find the strength to even move. I was still shaken over the events of my day so far. I had been so worried about Iris. Just thinking of her lying on the floor helpless made my heart sink into my stomach. I wondered if maybe watching Brenna was just getting to be too much for her. Brenna was getting bigger, and she was getting faster and more likely to get into stuff. What if Iris just couldn't keep up?

I decided not to think that far ahead. For now I just had to worry about what I was going to do with Brenna tomorrow. I didn't want to take the day off because I needed the hours. I didn't know too much about these personal paid days, and I still wasn't sure Taylor hadn't just pulled it out of his ass. I knew I'd be okay for most of the following week since I had Monday through Wednesday off. I figured I might be able to find someone to watch her during that time, but finding someone by tomorrow was just next to impossible.

I figured I could just take her into work with me. If she had toys to keep her occupied, she'd probably be fine. Then I could come and drop her off once Layla and Austin got out of school. I nodded silently to myself. That was going to be the game plan for now. I told myself I needed to get up and go wash the dishes and straighten up the house while I had the time, but I still couldn't seem to get myself to move. Instead, I felt my eyes growing heavy and before long I was fast asleep.

I awoke with a start and sat up straight in my bed. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep, but the cause of my sudden wakefulness was grinning at me from where she was standing in the playpen that had been her makeshift bed for some time now.

"I need my diaper changed," she announced.

"Is that so?" I asked, squinting my eyes at her in way that was supposed to be threatening, but instead she just laughed and said, "You so silly!"

"I'm silly?" I questioned as I climbed out of bed. "At least I go to the potty like a big girl," I said as I walked over and placed my hands under her arms and lifted her high up into the air. "Looks like you have a soggy tush."

"Saggy push," she repeated. I laughed and shook my head as I dropped her gently onto the bed and grabbed a new pull up from the space between the foot of my bed and her playpen.

I glanced at the clock as I pulled down her pants and started to change her. I'd only been asleep for about half an hour, but it felt like it had been much shorter. I felt much more tired than I had before I took my little nap. I didn't know how little kids could take a short nap and wake up full of energy. For some reason power naps just didn't seem to work with me.

After Brenna had on a dry diaper, I put her down on the floor and motioned for her to head toward the door. We went into the living room and I turned on the television with some cartoons for her while I was started cleaning up. It felt weird being home in the afternoon. I was used to be around in the mornings when I didn't have to go in until noon, but since I worked full time during the weekday, I most generally worked anywhere from eight in the morning until eight in the evening. Judd was usually really good about working out my schedule so that I'd be able to get home in time to fix dinner for the kids. I wondered if Taylor would be as considerate. Of course, after the way I'd acted toward him, I couldn't blame anyone except myself if he didn't. I really needed to work on my people skills.

After the dishes were done and the kitchen table was free of all the junk that had been piling up there over the last few weeks, I decided to clean out the refrigerator. We didn't have any leftovers very often because I usually tried to fix just enough for us to eat because I knew Layla and Austin wouldn't eat them. I didn't know why. Sometimes I took what we had left over for my lunch, but I doubted anything stored in the refrigerator was any good anymore.

After cleaning the fridge, I found myself with a whole new pile of dirty dishes to wash. I'd nearly puked at some of the stuff we had in the refrigerator. I couldn't even remember when we'd had some of the stuff to eat, which was enough to tell me that it had been there far too long. The refrigerator looked rather bare by the time I was done, but at least it was clean. The freezer wasn't too bad. I just had to throw out a few things with expired dates. I decided to wash the dishes again after that just because the smell was getting to me. Brenna even made a face and asked about the smell and called it yucky.

As I was finishing up, the front door swung open and Layla entered the trailer followed by Austin. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Hello to you too," I said as I walked over to the pantry to survey it. I had a few ideas about dinner. I thought since I was home early, I might even be able to whip up something a little more elaborate than fish sticks or chicken nuggets.

"Hello," she said sarcastically. "What are you doing home?"

"Iris fell and broke her hip," I explained. "I had to go pick up Brenna at the hospital."

"Oh," Layla said, looking surprised. "Iris okay?"

I nodded. "Seems to be."

"That's good," Layla nodded as she threw her book bag down.

Austin had sat down on the couch beside Brenna and was watching television. He hadn't had an attitude that morning before school or anything. In fact, he'd been unusually quiet. I wondered if he was still intimidated by the discussion we'd had the evening before. For now he just seemed preoccupied with watching TV.

I let him watch for a little while before I called him into the kitchen to work on his homework. He did so without any argument, and together we worked our way through history homework. Neither of us seemed overly enthused. In fact, it was rather tedious and I wondered why a teacher would assign four papers for one night. It took us over an hour to get them all done. He was able to do most of it on his own, but I sat with him and helped him if he needed.

Layla needed to type up a paper, and since we didn't have a computer, I let her walk to the library. It was just a few blocks away, so I didn't think she'd get into any trouble going there. I just told her to be back by six because that was when I was planning on having dinner ready. She agreed and headed out the door. She just seemed enthused to actually get out of the house. I did make sure she really did have a paper to type before she left because I thought it was odd she seemed so happy to go to the library. When she mentioned she planned on checking out some books and CDs too, it made a little more sense.

She left just before Austin and I started on his homework, so by the time he was done with it, I thought I should probably get started on dinner. While looking through the refrigerator and pantry, I'd discovered we had all of the ingredients for chicken and dumplings. I hadn't made them in ages. Iris was the one that taught me when I was younger, and just the thought of them made my mouth water. Besides, I thought the kids might like something different for once.

I suppose it was just lucky they had the canned chicken on sale the last time I went to the store. I started the chicken and let it cook before I let it simmer in the broth while I made the dumplings. Austin seemed interested because he noticed me rolling the dough and wanted to know what smelled so good. I had to take the easy way with the mashed potatoes just because I rarely bought a sack of potatoes. Instead, I bought instant just because they were easier and faster, but I thought they'd been okay.

Everything seemed to be just about ready by the time Layla got back. When she opened her bag, I noticed a huge stack of CDs inside. It looked like she was stocking up on listening material for the next couple of weeks. I knew how much Layla loved music, but we just never had money to buy any CDs. It was strictly radio around our house. Or listening to our dad and his "band." Of course, I wouldn't really consider that real music anyway.

"Ooh, something different tonight!" she said, looking over my shoulder into the pots on the stove.

"Chicken and dumplings," I said. "Iris' recipe."

"Yum," she said, smacking her lips in anticipation.

I stirred the instant potatoes a few more times before doing the same for the dumplings before I turned both burners down to low. "Okay, it's ready," I announced. "Brenny, come on. It's time to eat," I called into the living room. Brenna stood up from where she was leaning against the couch and ran into the kitchen. I picked her up and sat her in her high chair before putting on her bib. I fixed Brenna a plate before I let Austin and Layla get theirs. I cut up Brenna's food and let it cool while I fixed my own plate. Then I sat hers on her high chair as we all gathered around the table.

Layla rattled off the details of her day. If anything, Layla was a talker. I thought it was amazing when I noticed her plate was empty and she went back for seconds because she'd barely shut her mouth long enough to eat anything. As we were finishing up, I stood up and cleaned up Brenna before taking her out of her chair. She ran back into the living room while I gathered our plates and put them in the sink.

"I'm going to take Brenna with me to work tomorrow morning," I said to Layla. "But I need you to watch her in the evening. I'll duck out during my break to drop her off."

"Tomorrow?" Layla asked, looking crestfallen.

"Yes," I nodded.

"But Raven wanted me to go to the mall with her," she said.

"It's just a couple of hours," I said. "If that. We have to finish up everything at the store, but I shouldn't be at work past five."

Layla rolled her eyes. "Raven wanted to right after school."

"You couldn't do that anyway," I pointed out. "There wouldn't be anyone here to watch Austin."

Layla crossed her arms in a huff. "He can take care of himself," she argued. "I never get to do anything with my friends."

"Well, you should consider yourself lucky you even have friends," I pointed out. After our mom left and I took over things at home, I'd found myself virtually friendless. I never had time to go out and do anything with them, and before long the little we did talk during school was awkward at best. They were all worried about prom dresses while I was worried about diapers.

Obviously, they were at a completely different place in their lives than me, and it just seemed easier for them to shy away from me. Most of the time it felt like they were all tiptoeing around because they were afraid of hurting my feelings when they talked about things that cost a lot of money. I thought it was more for their benefit than mine. I knew I was poor. I'd always been poor, and if they wanted to go around flaunting how much they'd wasted on a stupid dress they'd only wear once, they didn't need to worry about it on account of me.

"I don't even have any friends anymore," I added as I turned on the water faucet and squirted some dish soap into the sink.

"That's because you're a mean bitch," Layla replied.

I spun around on the heel of my foot in surprised. "Excuse me?" I demanded.

"I said you don't have any friends because you're a mean to everyone!" she exclaimed.

"I don't have friends because I don't have time to have any!" I said, seething. I understood why they had steam pouring out of the ears of a cartoon when they were mad because that was how I felt. "I lost all of my friends when our mother decided to walk out and leave us behind. I don't have any friends because I was too busy taking care of your ungrateful ass."

"I didn't ask you take care of me, did I?" she countered.

"You know what? You're right," I nodded as I slammed down the handle in the sink, turning off the water. "You didn't ask me to. So silly of me to actually give a fuck about what happened to you. My mistake. I should have listened to mom and left when I had a chance."

"What's stopping you now?" she yelled.

"Good question," I yelled. "You're so smart. You should be able to take care of yourself, and Austin just wants to steal from me. I don't need this. I shouldn't have to slave away for you. I don't know why I stayed. I could have been in college now. I could have left this fucking hellhole," I screamed as my voice cracked. I felt my eyes start to sting with tears, but I absently wiped them away with the back of my hand.

"Forget this," I said, shaking my head as I went back into my room. I grabbed my shoes and pulled them on my feet before I marched back down the hallway and past where Layla was still standing. Austin was sitting in the living room, looking stunned and ashamed and Brenna had started to cry when Layla and I started shouting at each other.

I grabbed my purse and slung it over my shoulder before picking up my keys. "Where are you going?" Layla demanded.

"Out," I snapped, sparing her only a glance. She looked a little nervous. "You can take care of yourself, remember?"

I didn't wait for her to answer. I pulled the door open and ran down the stairs. I hopped in my car and started it up. I glanced at the trailer and saw Austin looking out the window in disbelief, and Layla was standing behind him with Brenna in her arms. She'd at least had the decency to pick her up.

I knew it was wrong to just walk out and leave, but I need to. I had to get out of there. I pulled out of the driveway and drove two trailers down to Iris'. I parked out front and left the car running as I ran up to the front door. I pushed it open with ease and stepped inside. I was still willing myself not to cry, but my eyes were blurry with unshed tears. I wiped them away again as I looked around for her reading glasses. I spotted them sitting on the kitchen counter and grabbed them before locking the door from the inside and pulling it shut behind me.

I went back out to my car and headed to the hospital. I figured I'd let Layla sweated for a while. I couldn't believe her nerve. It wasn't as if I were purposely trying to hold her back from having a social life. I just couldn't manage everything without her. It wasn't as if I was asking a lot of her. Usually I just let her lack of gratitude slide, but she'd hit a sore spot when she mentioned my lack of friends and tried to act as though I'd purposely pushed them out of my life.

I thought a visit with Iris might help me cool down a bit. Besides, I'd told her I'd bring her glasses to her, so I headed for the hospital. I didn't mind the evening traffic. I wasn't in much of a hurry. My mind was such a blur from the argument with Layla. Sure, we had little spats here and there, but this was probably one of the biggest fights we'd had in a very long time.

I tried to tell myself that I was just angry with her and didn't mean the things I said, but deep down, I knew I'd asked myself the same things over and over again. Why had I stayed? Why didn't I leave when I had the chance? Why? That was a word that played in my mind all too often when things just seemed too get too hard, but no matter how many times I asked myself or how many different ways I questioned my decisions, the answer always came down to the same thing. I loved them. I loved my brother and sisters more than anything in the world. As ungrateful and as hard as it often was, I couldn't imagine walking out and leaving them for good. How our mother was able to do such a thing would probably always been unexplainable to me.

When I arrived at the hospital, I found a parking spot much closer and much easier than I had earlier in the day. It almost felt like it had been eons since I'd been there. It really had been a long day. Now all I wanted was to just sit down and relax and have a nice long talk with Iris before I went home to face the mess that was my life.

I followed the same path I had earlier in the day, and when I got to Iris' floor, I walked past the nurses' station. The woman I'd spoken to earlier wasn't there anymore. Another younger nurse was sitting at the desk, talking on the phone. I walked past her and headed into Iris' room. I pushed the door open, but when I stepped inside, I was puzzled to find the room empty. The bed was made and there was no sign of Iris at all. I frowned and turned around to head back to the nurse's station. I figured maybe they'd moved her to a different room for some reason or another.

When I got to the nurse's station, the brown haired woman behind the desk was no longer on the phone. "Can I help you?" she asked with a smile.

"Can you tell what room Iris Carter is in?" I asked.

Her smiled faded slowly. "I'm sorry," she said. "Mrs. Carter had a stroke ..."

"What?" I interrupted. "Is she okay?"

"She had a massive heart attack brought on by the stroke," the nurse said. "We weren't able to revive her."

I stared at her blankly as if waiting for her words to sink in. I knew what she was saying, but I didn't seem to be able to comprehend their meaning. I felt my knees go weak. I felt myself starting to sag, so I held onto the counter for support.

The nurse stood up and rushed around to my side. "Maybe you better sit down for a moment," she said as she ushered me over to a seat against the wall. "I'm sorry. Are you family?"

I shook my head even though I wanted to say "yes, we're family." I was probably the closest thing to family Iris had left. "A friend," I whispered.

"Are you Mikayla?" she asked softly.

I glanced at her and nodded. "How'd you know?"

"Before she ... she was telling me about you," she explained. "I just tried calling your house, but the girl that answered the phone said you'd just left."

I nodded dumbly. That was all I could do because I couldn't seem to move any other part of my body. The nurse's words were still playing in my mind. They couldn't revive her. Iris was dead. Nothing made sense anymore.